sir leads the troops, jealous of you(th)

FERRIS BUELLER SAID LIFE MOVES PRETTY FAST AND SHIT. THAT MOVIE CAME OUT ALMOST 20 YEARS AGO. OMG HE WAS TOTES RIGHT! LOL!!!!

THE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER HAPPENED TO ME TWICE IN THIS PAST WEEK. SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING, YOU ASK THEM TO TELL YOU MORE, AND THEN THEY TELL YOU "OH, I SHOULDN'T REALLY TALK ABOUT IT."

IT'S LIKE IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE BRAGGING ABOUT SOME BULLSHIT CRAP, BRAG AWAY OR KEEP YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHUT (PREFERABLY THE LATER).

MY NEW COMPUTER IS LITERALLY COMING TO ME ON THE SLOW BOAT FROM CHINA. LITERALLY. IT'S CURRENTLY IN SHANGHAI

EVERYWHERE I WENT TODAY, I COULD HEAR PEOPLE WHISPERNG AND POINTING AT ME. ITS REALLY SCARY. I DIDN'T ACTUALLY LEAVE THE HOUSE, BUT STILL.

ME ME ME.

PROBLEMS. IF YOU READ MY REMEMBERANCES, YOU KNOW THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE THEM. THE WORST PART ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS IS WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT THEM SO MUCH THAT THEY START TO BECOME YOUR OWN.

CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHERE I PARAPHRASED THAT PASSAGE FROM?

FEELINGS: I GAVE UP HAVING THEM YEARS AGO. AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT'S GOTTEN ME OUT OF A LOT OF TROUBLE.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

ESPECIALLY IF YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE An "EMOTIONAL TYPE". BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY'RE "EMOTIONAL", IT USUALLY REALLY JUST MEANS "PRONE TO BEING SAD."

AND THAT'S NO FUN. I THINK MY PAL JEFF JUST FINALLY CAUGHT ON.

I WAS STONED AT 3 AM AND WALKING AROUND TAKING PICTURES OF ORDINARY THINGS. AS I CROSSED MARKET STREET, I FOUND A WALLET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. I PICKED IT UP, AND LOOKED THROUGH IT. IT WAS A MUNI DRIVER'S WALLET, FROM WHAT I COULD TELL. THERE WAS NO MONEY IN IT.

AGAIN, I WAS PRESENTED WITH THE OPORTUNITY TO DO A GOOD DEED. I WAS PUTTING IT INTO THE MAIL BOX (THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO, RIGHT?) WHEN A RANCID, PISS DRUNK HOMELESS THING CAME UP TO ME AND SAID, "WAIT, STOP! THAT'S MY WALLET." IT WASN'T HIS WALLET, BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO RISK HAVING HIM TRY TO TOUCH ME. SO I GAVE IT TO HIM. FUCKING GROSS. DOING GOOD DEEDS REALLY ISN'T WORTH THE TROUBLE. I STRONGLY ADVOCATE AGAINST THEM.

I HAVE TO GO TO MIAMI. I HATE MIAMI.

IT FINALLY OCCURRED TO ME THAT MANY OF THE ENTRIES IN THIS ARE WRITTEN IN A CODE THAT ONLY I UNDERSTAND SO THAT I CAN LOOK BACK TO REMEMBER THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED THAT I DON'T NECESSARILY WANT TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD BECAUSE, SAY THEY'RE TOO PERSONAL OR TOO LAME OR TOO INFLAMATORY TO A SECOND OR THIRD PARTY. IT'S EMBARRASSINGLY PRETENTIOUS THAT I WOULD EVEN ADMIT THAT.

"SISTER ACT 2: BACK IN THE HABIT," AND "SCHOOL OF ROCK" ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME MOVIE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS REPLACE GHETTO HIGH SCHOOLERS WITH RICH ELEMENATARY SCHOOL STUDENTS.

SOMETIMES I ACTUALLY FORGET THAT I MADE OUT WITH JOHN CAMERON MITCHEL ONE NIGHT ABOUT TEN MONTHS AGO.

I HAD MANAGED TO FORGET ABOUT THIS ALL TOGETHER. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I WAS YOUNG AND I NEEDED THE MONEY.

IT'S BEEN QUITE A WEEK. DOCUMENTARY FILM CREW FOLLOWING ME AROUND, INTERVIEWED BY THE BCC, NEWS THAT ANOTHER INTERIVEW OF ME WILL BE A COVER STORY, TWO MODELING SESSIONS. BUT I HATE TO BRAG SO I WON'T GET INTO IT.

IT FINALLY OCCURRED TO ME THAT I COULD UNPLUG MY ALARM CLOCK. I CRIED TEARS OF JOY.

IT FINALLY OCCURRED TO ME THAT I SHOULDN'T START FEWER ENTRIES WITH "IT FINALLY OCCURRED TO ME".

I SHOULD POST MORE PICTURES ON THIS.

I GOT FOUR DIFFERENT RESPONSES FROM FOUR DIFFERENT PEOPLE REGARDING MY LAST ENTRY ON HOT WATER.

FOR THE RECORD, I WILL ONLY BE DRINKING BOTTLED WATER FROM NOW ON AND EATING OFF DISPOSABLE DISHES, WHICH JUST MAKES SENSE FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS ANYWAY.

WHEN MY HOUSEBOY WAS COOKING ME DINNER THE OTHER NIGHT, HE FILLED UP A POT WITH COLD WATER. I TOLD HIM TO USE HOT WATER CAUSE IT BOILS FASTER. HE TOLD ME THAT HOT WATER COMES OUT OF PIPES NOT SUITABLE FOR DRINKING.

THIS IS A TOTAL LIE, RIGHT? I'VE BEEN SCARED TO TURN ON THE HOT WATER EVER SINCE.

I SEEMED TO HAVE STOPPED BITING MY NAILS FOR NOW. THE PROBLEM IS, WHEN I DON'T CHEW THEM OFF, THEY GET DIRTY. DOES THIS HAPPEN TO EVERYONE, OR AM I JUST MESSY?

I ALMOST ATE AN ENTIRE BOX OF GOLDEN GRAHAMS IN ONE SITTING TODAY. PERSONAL BEST!

I HELPED AN OLD LADY OFF THE BUS TODAY. AND INSTEAD OF SAYING, "THANK YOU" SHE CRIED, "I WANNA GO HOOOOOMMMEEE!" SHE WAS CRAZY. I TOUCHED A CRAZY PERSON. EW.

I REALLY WANT THIS, BUT I SWEAR NOT IN AN IRONIC "OOH, LOOK HOW UNCOOL THIS THING IS THEREFORE I WANT IT" SORT OF WAY. I MEAN, I REALLY THINK IT'S COOL.