THE WORST IS WHEN YOU WALK OUR YOUR FRONT DOOR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON AND IT'S HOT OUT, LIKE SUMMER, AND YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP AND A TINY CHINESE MAN WALKS PAST YOU AND SUDDENLY EVERYTHING STARTS TO FEEL LIKE IT'S UNRAVELING AND YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO PULL IT TOGETHER. JUST TO CROSS THE STREET.

TAKING MY LEAD FROM JERKEY (AS I USUALLY DO WHEN IT COMES TO THESE SORTS OF MATTERS), I HAVE A NEW FASCINATION WHO GOES BY THE NAME OF PAMELA FISHMAN CIANCI:

EXHIBIT ONE:

PAMELA'S PROFILE ON THE WEBSITE FOR HER WHIMSICALLY NAMED ALCOHOLIC CAKE COTTAGE INDUSTRY IS LIKE 500% LONGER THAN THE SECTION WHERE SHE DESCRIBES WHAT IT IS THAT SHE'S SELLING. NOTE HOW IN ALMOST EACH SENTENCE OF THIS EXHAUSTIVELY COMPREHENSIVE REVIEW OF HER CAREER AND PHILANTHROPIC EFFORTS, SHE CRAFTILY WEAVES IN HER OWN NAME, SOMETIMES MORE THAN ONCE.

EXHIBIT TWO (SOME RECONDITE EXCERPTS FROM THE ALWAYS-IMPENETRABLE SFIST INTERVIEW):

Favorite website
Google, it is just so easy to find things that you need or want to know

Best Band or Musician to come out of the Bay Area
Grateful Dead

SF would be soooo much better if only
If there were less homeless people,cleaner streets in general and less expensive housing.

Favorite artist to come out of the bay area:
Jerry Garcia

I have found/sold/bought the following on craigslist:
nothing

JON CAMERON MITCHELL AID

CAN YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO HELP THIS ONE-SHIRT-WEARING DRAG LEGEND?


WITH SOME RANDOM ACTOR AT A SCREENING OF "HEDWIG" CIRCA 2001 (SOURCE)


WITH ME AT THE GAYVN AWARDS IN LOS ANGELES, 3/2002


IN AN ARTICLE IN PLAYBILL, 8/2004


AT DAMON'S BIRTHDAY IN NYC, 3/25/2006

THE DIARREAH OF ANNE FRANK

MARCH 23, 1943
2-DAY BOUT -- LEFT ME VERY DEHYDRATED.

NOVEMBER 20, 1943
MIEP BROUGHT UP SOME BAD KUGEL OR SOMETHING; IT TASTED FUNNY BUT I WAS SO HUNGRY. WAS IN THE BATHROOM HALF THE DAY

OCTOBER 29, 1944
LOOSE STOOL, BUT NOT DIARREAH, PER SE, I DON'T THINK

NOVEMBER 12, 1944
MAN, IT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR LIKE 2 DAYS NOW!? I MUST HAVE DYSENTARY OR SOMETHING.

MARCH 9, 1945
I SWEAR IF THE NAZIS DON'T KILL ME, THE FOOD AT THIS CAMP WILL. GOD.

REJECTED MCSWEENY'S LIST #4:

"Title of a gay porn or Mary-Kate and Ashley movie?"

1. How the West Was Fun
2. Passport to Paris
3. Boy Crazy
4. Young Man Crazy
5. How the West Was Hung
6. Switching Goals
7. When in Rome
8. Passport to Paradise
9. Winning London
10. Switching Daddies
11. Holiday in the Sun
12. Greek Holiday

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Answers:
Gay Porn: 4, 5, 8, 10, 12
Mary-Kate and Ashley Movie: 1, 2, 3, 6, 8, 9, 11
Both: 7