WHEN PERFORMING AT THEIR BEST, UMBRELLAS ONLY EVER DELIVER ABOUT 90% OF WHAT THEY PROMISE TO DO. AND IF IT'S REALLY POURING -- WHEN YOU NEED THEM THE MOST -- THEY ARE NOT ONLY AT THEIR LEAST EFFECTIVE, BUT IT'S WHEN THEY'RE MOST LIKELY TO BREAK.

WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT WHEN IT STOPS RAINING, YOU'RE STUCK WITH THIS WET THING THAT DRIPS ON YOU, DOING THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

IT WOULD BE LIKE TAKING MEDICINE THAT DOESN'T EVER CURE YOU AND THEN MAKES YOU SICKER.