ROCCO RODRIGUEZ CHECKED INTO "CELEBRITY REHAB" TONIGHT BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN "EXPERIMENTING" WITH COCAINE (AN 8-BALL A DAY). AND OF COURSE EARLIER THIS YEAR, OBAMA "ADMITTED" TO COCAINE "EXPERIMENTATION" WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER.

EXPERIMENTATION, IF MEMORY SERVES, ENTAILS CREATING A HYPOTHESIS, GETTING A BUNCH OF TEST TUBES AND WEARING A LAB COAT. SO DOES THIS MEAN THEY WERE MAKING IT OR SOMETHING?

I PERSONALLY DON'T NEED ANY OF THESE THINGS WHEN I'M ENJOYING THE WHITE LADY.

THE WORST KIND OF ASSHOLES ARE ASSHOLES WHO DON'T REALIZE THEY ARE ASSHOLES.

WHEN PERFORMING AT THEIR BEST, UMBRELLAS ONLY EVER DELIVER ABOUT 90% OF WHAT THEY PROMISE TO DO. AND IF IT'S REALLY POURING -- WHEN YOU NEED THEM THE MOST -- THEY ARE NOT ONLY AT THEIR LEAST EFFECTIVE, BUT IT'S WHEN THEY'RE MOST LIKELY TO BREAK.

WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT WHEN IT STOPS RAINING, YOU'RE STUCK WITH THIS WET THING THAT DRIPS ON YOU, DOING THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

IT WOULD BE LIKE TAKING MEDICINE THAT DOESN'T EVER CURE YOU AND THEN MAKES YOU SICKER.

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FINDS THE "VIVA VIAGRA" AD SOMEWHAT OFF-COLOR? THAT AND THE PEPTO BISMO ONE.

"CLEANING IS MYSTERIOUS, SINCE IT IS THE LABOUR THAT ERASES ITSELF IF IT IS SUCCESSFUL" --JEFF WALL

NOW Y'ALL KNOW WHY I HATE HOUSEWORK!

I MADE MY OWN HAM TONIGHT. ON ACCIDENT.

EVERY ROTTING CORPSE WAS ONCE A CUTE ADORABLE LI'L BABY.

THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT ME THAT COMPELS PEOPLE TO TELL ME THE GENIUS DRAG QUEEN NAME THEY JUST THOUGHT OF. "WOULDN'T THIS MAKE A GREAT DRAG QUEEN NAME ... " IS A PHRASE I HEAR AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY PICK ME -- I LIKE DQ'S AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY BUT COME ON, PEOPLE.

TRYING TO GET BUFF IS LIKE DRINKING THE OCEAN ONE CUP AT A TIME.

THINKING ABOUT CHANGING MY LAST NAME TO THIS.

"THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE".

I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT, AND I HOPE IT PASSED.