I WAS BUYING ZIPLOCK BAGS AT WALLERGREENS. THERE WAS A GUY UNPACKING PAPER TOWELS. HE STARTED PUNCHING THE PAPER TOWEL BOX! HE WOULD PUNCH THE BOX THEN UNPACK LIKE 2 OR 3 ROLLS OF PAPER TOWELS. THEN PUNCH. I GUESS EVERYONE THINKS THEIR JOBS ARE STRESSFUL. MINE'S NOT. IT'S REALLY FUN.

IT'S TIME TO MAKE THE DONUTS. TIME TO MAKE THE FUCKING DONUTS.

AND EXCERPT FROM AN EMAIL WORTH SHARING FROM A MYSTERY FRIEND:

When I was a kid there were these chocolate chews
called Aydes that were appetite suppressants. Women on
diets would eat them. I'm sure they were chock full of
speed. My friend Bonnie and I used to gorge on her
mother's supply.

I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT SO I'M GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN. YOU DON'T NEED TO WISH BAD THINGS ON PEOPLE WHO HAVE WRONGED YOU BECAUSE THEY WILL GET WHAT THEY DESERVE IN THE END. SO, LIKE IF SOMEONE DID A BAD THING TO YOU (AND YOU DIDN'T DO A BAD THING TO THEM FIRST, OF COURSE) JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX AND DON'T STRESS. THERE'S NO NEED TO BE LIKE, 'WHY DOES THAT PERSON SEEM TO HAVE IT ALL?!" BECAUSE NOBODY EVER DOES, AND EVEN IF THEY DO FOR THE TIME BEING, THEY'RE ABOUT TO LOOSE IT ALL.

IF YOUR JOB MAKES YOU CRY, OR -- EVEN WORSE -- IF YOU CRY AT YOUR JOB -- YOU HAVE PROBLEMS. CHANCES ARE YOU ARE UGLY, TOO. LIKE TRUDY WIEGEL UGLY.

I WAS WALKING HOME FROM WORK TODAY EXCITED, BUT CAUTIOUS. YOU SEE, 8 YEARS AGO, ON THIS VERY SPECIAL DAY TO CELEBRATE LOVE, I WAS WALKING DOWN MONTGOMERY STREET -- SKIPPING ALONG ACTUALLY -- WHEN I PEERED BETWEEN TWO CARS AND SAW A GROWN MAN DEFECATING. STANDING UP AND DEFECATING. SO EVERY YEAR I'M SCARED THAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.

OH, SORRY I GOT INTERRUPTED THERE FOR A SECOND. STRANGE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN HAPPENING: I'LL START SMELLING IMPOSSIBLE THINGS, LIKE 1998. THEN I'LL GET HYPERSENSITIVE AND THE SMELL OF MY NEIGHBORS COOKING WILL MAKE ME HAVE A MIGRAINE. I LOVE THE BUILDING I LIVE IN BUT I HATE LIVING IN BUILDINGS, IN GENERAL, BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO SMELL YOUR NEIGHBORS' COOKING. NO MATTER WHAT THEY COOK IT SMELLS GHETTO AND GROSS.

SINCE I USUALLY BREATHE THROUGH MY MOUTH DUE TO A MEDICAL CONDITION, I'VE NEGLECTED MY SENSE OF SMELL FOR MOST OF MY LIFE. FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS I'VE BEEN FOCUSING ON IT. STRANGE THINGS HAVE BEEN HAPPENING.

I WAS IN THE PARKING LOT OF SAFEWAY -- THE NICE ONE IN THE CASTRO! -- AND I HEARD SOME RUSTLING IN THE BUSHES. I LOOKED OVER AND SAW A JUNKIE. HE WAS LYING DEEP IN THEM SHOOTING UP DOPE. RIGHT WHEN I LOOKED AT HIM, THE NEEDLE WAS GOING INTO HIS ARM. BLOOD. DIRT. IT WAS PRETTY BAD. BUT I KEPT WALKING. THEN A RAT -- A BIG ONE! -- RAN OUT AND CROSSED MY PATH. NORMALLY THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT WOULD HAVE SET ME OFF. BUT NOT TODAY.

THERE'S THIS THING YOU CAN DO THAT'S GREAT: STAY UP UNTIL FIVE IN THE MORNING WATCHING OLD NEW ORDER VIDEOS WITH SOMEONE YOU'RE REALLY CRAZY ABOUT.

"GUESS WHO SAID THAT" 2

a. The mystery was gone, but the amazement was just starting.

Answer: a: Andy Warhol