LAST NIGHT'S DREAM

IT WAS THE SECOND DAY IN A ROW I WAS HAVING TEA WITH MARTHA STEWART AND I WAS EXCITED THAT IT WAS BECOMING A REGULAR THING. I WAS SITTING IN HER LIVING ROOM, WHICH WAS KIND OF STUFFY AND CLUTTERED. SHE CAME OUT WITH A BUNCH OF COOKIES AND CAKES, INCLUDING FOUR LEMON CAKES SHAPED LIKE THIS VASE TOPPED WITH A SHINING CIRCLE OF ICING. SHE ALSO BROUGHT OUT A SMALL DOMED CAKE THAT WAS COVERED IN A MAROON FONDANT AND SAID, "LONG ISLAND" ACROSS THE CENTER, WHICH I WASN'T SURE IF IT WAS SOME SORT OF PUN ON "LONG ISLAND ICED TEA" OR SOMETHING ELSE. BUT WAS AFRAID TO ASK.

I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED ABOUT CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST. DID THEY EVER EXPLAIN HOW HE BECAME A GHOST? DID HE DIE OF CANCER?

LAST NIGHT'S DREAM

I WAS WATCHING SOME NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN FOOTAGE OF "THE EXORCIST". THE DEVIL LANDED ON ROSEMARY'S BALCONY OF THE DAKOTA (I WAS CONFLATING "ROSEMARY'S BABY, I GUESS). THE DEVIL MANIFESTED ITSELF INTO THREE HUMAN FORMS: TWO OLDER MEN AND PAUL MCCARTNEY. THEY STOOD OUTSIDE THE WINDOW AND PREPARED FOR HER ARRIVAL. I WAS OUTSIDE ON THE BALCONY WITH THEM AND I WAS TERRIFIED.

LAST NIGHT'S DREAM

I WAS AT A BEACH CLUB AND THE SUMMER WAS COMING TO AN END. THE OLSEN TWINS WERE ALSO THERE, AND WE'D SPENT THE SUMMER BECOMING GOOD FRIENDS. THEY WERE STILL YOUNG -- 8, 9 TOPS. I WAS IN THE POOL WITH ONE OF THEN WHEN TWO ARMS REACHED IN AND PULLED HER OUT. MY LAST WORDS TO THEM WERE "YOU BETTER TEXT ME!"

LAST NIGHT'S DREAM

I WAS SHOPPING IN THE MALL WITH CHRIS STEELE. THERE WAS NEW KIND OF CELL PHONE THAT CAUGHT MY EYE: IT WAS BEING MARKETING TOWARDS CAMPERS BECAUSE IT COULD GET RECEPTION ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. IT WAS HUGE AND ATTACHED TO A BACKPACK, WHICH HAD A RECEIVER INSIDE IT. IT COST $1,117.

LAST NIGHT'S DREAM

KELLY OSBOURNE AND I DID A ROUSING VERSON OF "SHUT UP" KARAOKE.