WHILE I DO LOVE SIRLOIN BURGER, CAMPBELL'S CHUNKY SOUP REALLY FEELS LIKE DOG FOOD FOR THE SOUL.

THERE'S LIKE A MILLION DIFFERENT TYPES OF OLYMPICS OUT THERE: RETARDED OLYMPICS, POLICE OLYMPICS, KITTY CAT OLYMPICS. BUT NO GAY OLYMPICS (WHEN THEY TRIED TO HAVE THEM, THE OLYMPICS SUED, AND THEY HAD TO CALL THEM THE GAY GAMES).

I DON'T REALLY CARE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, BUT IT'S JUST FUNNY I GUESS BECAUSE MOST GAY PEOPLE ARE RETARDED ANYWAY.

THEY SAY EVERYTHING TASTES BETTER WITH BACON, RIGHT? I SAY THAT AT LEAST. WELL, I FOUND ONE THING THAT DOESN'T: POPCORN. I MADE SOME POPCORN IN BACON GREASE JUST NOW AND, WELL, IT JUST WASN'T THAT GREAT. I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG, IT TASTED JUST FINE, BUT TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST I WAS EXPECTING ... I DON'T KNOW ... JUST SOMETHING "EXTRA".

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I FIND MYSELF TERRIBLY INTERESTING.

I GOT A LESBIAN-STYLE HAIRCUT.