THIS GUY TOLD ME THAT HE WANTED TO MAKE A DOLL OF ME SO HE COULD SQUEEZE IT. I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS. I THINK I'M PERFECTLY SQUEEZABLE JUST THE WAY I AM.

SEND IN STRIPED WHITE JETS
IN THROUGH STAINED GLASS CEILINGS

DID I SAY MOVIE? I MEANT TO SAY "PORNO." SORRY TO GET YOUR HOPES UP.

IT SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY I WAS WATCHING FULL HOUSE RERUNS FROM 4-5 AM AND NOW SUDDENLY I'M IN LA WATCHING MY MOVIE BEING MADE. ITS FUNNY.

I LOVE WATCHING IRON CHEF AND I WISH I COULD BE A JUDGE ON THE SHOW, BUT I WOULDN'T EAT LIKE 95% OF ALL THE THINGS THEY MAKE. I WISH I WAS A MORE ADVENTEROUS EATER, I REALLY DO.

TO SEEK THE BLOOD FROM PRECIOUS STONE IS BLASPHEMY.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT SHELLY DUVAL.

JERKEY'S BLOG IS THE ONLY BLOG I WILL OFFICIALLY ENDORSE RIGHT NOW. I'M AFRAID I CANNOT MAKE ANY FURTHER COMMENTS ON THIS SUBJECT. THANK YOU.

TONIGHT AFFORDED ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO TAUNT ONE OF MY FAVORITE ENEMIES ... IT WAS GRAND.

TO DATE, I'VE GOTTEN THREE GREY HAIRS. TODAY I GOT MY FOURTH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M NOT PLUCKING THIS ONE. IT MAKES ME LOOK DISTINGUISHED.

WHEN PEOPLE COME INTO MY APARTMENT THEY ALMOST ALWAYS SAY, "IT'S REALLY HOT IN HERE." AND IT IS, BUT I PREFER IT THAT WAY.

YESTERDAY I THOUGHT I HAD SUCCEEDED IN NOT SPENDING ANY MONEY BECAUSE I DIDN'T LEAVE MY HOUSE. AND THEN I REALIZED THAT I PURCHASED TWO PAIRS OF SHOES FROM PUMA.COM AND BOUGHT AN ALBUM OFF ITUNES. DRATS!

I CAN'T STOP SWIFTERING MY FLOORS. IT'S GETTING OUT OF HAND, I THINK.

I'M JUST THRILLED THAT NOW-A-DAYS EVERYONE'S BLOGGING!

AFTER READING THIS INFORMATIVE ARTICLE, I CAN'T STOP CRAVING GREEN ONIONS. BUT I GUESS YOU KNOW HOW I DO IT ... MI VIDA LOCA!

I NOTICED I WAS LOW ON PAPER TOWELS. LATER WHEN I WAS AT WALLGREENS, I REMEMBERMED TO BUY SOME. I CAME HOME, AND THERE WAS ONE PAPER TOWEL LEFT. I HAD NO IDEA PLAYING "ADULT" WOULD BE THIS MUCH FUN!

RADISHES ARE JUST GREAT. THE MAKE ME BURP THOUGH.

GREAT NEWS! I LIKE CILANTRO AGAIN!

STOP THE WAR ON PORNOGRAPHY ... BECAUSE PORNOGRAPHY IS JUST GREAT IN MY BOOK!

I SURE PUT THE TRAMP IN TRAMPOLINE YESTERDAY. ACTUALLY, I PUT IT IN EVERYTHING. I THINK I HAVE A PROBLEM.

LEFT THE HOUSE TODAY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE. NOT MUCH HAS CHANGED.

IF YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT -- THERE'S NOT MUCH DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A ROACH AND A LOBSTER. THEY BOTH PRETTY MUCH LOOK THE SAME -- LONG BODIES, LOTS OF LEGS AND ANTENNA, HARD SHELL, GUSHY INSIDE, CRAWLY.

AND YET, PEOPLE LOVE TO EAT LOBSTERS AND ROACHES ARE PRETTY MUCH HATED. IS IT THE SIZE?

THEY HAD A COMMERICAL FOR A FRIDGE WITH A TV INSIDE THE DOOR. THEY WERE ACTING LIKE IT WAS A BIG DEAL. PLUS, THEY'RE EXPENSIVE! TO ME, IT SOUNDS LIKE THE KIND OF THING A THIRD GRADER WOULD COME UP WITH ON "INVENTION DAY".

COULD MY NIPPLES BE BROKEN?

SERIOUSLY, DOES ANYONE KNOW?